You wanna hear a story? Years ago when I was filling out my senior book (way back in the dark ages) it had a page that says "Where I'll Be in 10 Years". It had several lines such as "where you will be living", "what you will be doing", "how many kids you will have". I filled out that I would have 7-10 kids - yes, in 10 years. This was before I knew anything about the Duggar's.
The reason I told you that is because I have always loved kids. I knew I wanted to have them and when my husband and I met we talked about how many we wanted to have and we both pretty much agreed that 3 was a good number. He had 2 in his family and I had 4 but we all didn't live at the same house at the same time so there was usually 3 of us at a house at a time (divorce - its complicated).
Anywho, back to the story, we agreed on 3. Now, I do not want to start any kind of disagreement or discussion regarding how many children one should have. I will leave that in someone else's capable hands. I will say I don't feel like there is nearly enough written on the subject but I guess that is because it is such a personal decision.
Well, we had a boy, then came a girl and finally another boy. Three! We were done. So we talked and agreed and my husband scheduled his first vasectomy. Things were okay until it came to the Friday before the big V. I got cold feet like you would not believe. The permanency of the procedure hit me like a ton of bricks and I cried and I whined and so my husband cancelled it or he made me do it. I can't remember.
Now I could breathe, but the question still hung in the air. My husband is a very gracious and patient man or at least he is now. He wanted to wait and make sure I was ready so he refused to schedule anymore procedures. If it was to be done I had to schedule it. And so I did. I scheduled a second vasectomy. And I was fine . . . for a while. And then I started thinking again and freaking out and well, you guessed it I cancelled it for the second time. By this time my husband was beyond embarrassed. Who wouldn't be?
I was embarrassed too because I had to explain to my family every time it didn't happen. People, I am a woman whose indecisiveness knows no bounds. I actually did it for a third time. Seriously, I called, I scheduled and I canceled - THREE TIMES!
Then there came a time when I was ready. I had prayed and prayed and thought and thought and I was finally at peace with the decision. Right and you can only guess what happened next. These two little blue lines showed up on this test.
We had gotten rid of every baby item we owned. I gave away all of my maternity clothes. The only two things we have left are a crib and pack and play.
Wanna hear the good news? Well, besides the obvious good news, my husband was wonderful. When I was going a little crazy he was calm. When I was unsure how I could do it, he was reassuring. When I wasn't quite excited, he was over the moon excited.
All of this to say you see how much of a saint my husband is to put up with me? Yep, he's pretty great and soon he will be the father of four. And then we can schedule the vasectomy or at least I will. Fourth times a charm, right?