Wednesday, December 14, 2011

3 + 1 = 4

You wanna hear a story?  Years ago when I was filling out my senior book (way back in the dark ages) it had a page that says "Where I'll Be in 10 Years".  It had several lines such as "where you will be living", "what you will be doing", "how many kids you will have".  I filled out that I would have 7-10 kids - yes, in 10 years.  This was before I knew anything about the Duggar's. 

The reason I told you that is because I have always loved kids.  I knew I wanted to have them and when my husband and I met we talked about how many we wanted to have and we both pretty much agreed that 3 was a good number.  He had 2 in his family and I had 4 but we all didn't live at the same house at the same time so there was usually 3 of us at a house at a time (divorce - its complicated).

Anywho, back to the story, we agreed on 3.  Now, I do not want to start any kind of disagreement or discussion regarding how many children one should have.  I will leave that in someone else's capable hands.  I will say I don't feel like there is nearly enough written on the subject but I guess that is because it is such a personal decision.

Well, we had a boy, then came a girl and finally another boy.  Three!  We were done.  So we talked and agreed and my husband scheduled his first vasectomy.  Things were okay until it came to the Friday before the big V.  I got cold feet like you would not believe.  The permanency of the procedure hit me like a ton of bricks and I cried and I whined and so my husband cancelled it or he made me do it.  I can't remember.

Now I could breathe, but the question still hung in the air.  My husband is a very gracious and patient man or at least he is now.  He wanted to wait and make sure I was ready so he refused to schedule anymore procedures.  If it was to be done I had to schedule it.  And so I did.  I scheduled a second vasectomy.  And I was fine . . .  for a while.  And then I started thinking again and freaking out and well, you guessed it I cancelled it for the second time.  By this time my husband was beyond embarrassed.  Who wouldn't be? 

I was embarrassed too because I had to explain to my family every time it didn't happen.  People, I am a woman whose indecisiveness knows no bounds.  I actually did it for a third time.  Seriously, I called, I scheduled and I canceled - THREE TIMES!

Then there came a time when I was ready.  I had prayed and prayed and thought and thought and I was finally at peace with the decision.  Right and you can only guess what happened next.  These two little blue lines showed up on this test.

We had gotten rid of every baby item we owned.  I gave away all of my maternity clothes.  The only two things we have left are a crib and pack and play.

Wanna hear the good news?  Well, besides the obvious good news, my husband was wonderful.  When I was going a little crazy he was calm.  When I was unsure how I could do it, he was reassuring.  When I wasn't quite excited, he was over the moon excited.

All of this to say you see how much of a saint my husband is to put up with me?  Yep, he's pretty great and soon he will be the father of four.  And then we can schedule the vasectomy or at least I will.  Fourth times a charm, right?


  1. I can't tell if you are writing this from a years ago perspective or if it's now. LOL! But if it's now and you're pregnant then congratulations. You'll be ready to make that appointment about your 3rd trimester. LOL!
    Have a lovely day.

  2. I can totally relate...I am the most indecisive person there is! (besides you :) But I have a gracious husband as well...I know he gets frustrated with me. But he deals with it! I am so excited for you! I had just potty trained Chistian, had gotten rid of every single baby item, maternity clothes, etc...because I was sure I was done at 4. Less than a week later...2 blue lines. Life happens! We were overjoyed and I can't imagine life without my 5th blessing.

  3. Congrats Gret! I will pray for you and your sanity! God had a just didn't know it meant 4 sweet little ones!

  4. Congratulations! What a wonderful story! "Two little blue lines", praise the Lord!

  5. Congratulations!!! I have the same story! We also cancelled a vasectomy 3 times. We gave birth to our fourth child last Feb. Children are a blessing from God :)


  6. @The Real Me!
    It is now and thank you! But you are right I will be ready by then!

  7. @Sarah
    Thank you! I know you and I have that indecisiveness in common. And Jeremiah is too cute (i.e. your 5th blessing).

  8. @Anna
    Oh yes do pray for my sanity although I think that went out the window after 2.

  9. @Anonymous
    Thanks for your comment. And here I was thinking I was the only one!

  10. You will be so thankful for the indeciveness when you have baby #4! I have three age three and under and while I blow up more than I'd like and have crazy insane days, it makes me sad to think that they all three wouldnt be here right now if we had made different decisions. Even though I am scared at the possibility of more, I am even more scared of the real possibility of missing out on God's blessings! So excited for you! Congratulations!!

  11. My husband and I were sure we were done after our third child too. We gave everything away except the crib, however my husband was unwilling to schedule the vasectomy. He said he felt like it wasn't right, we needed to leave it up to God. As bad as I wanted to argue, I felt the same thing. I might add I am not a kid person and in high school I said I was not going to have any kids. Six years after our third child was born we welcomed our fourth child. My husband and I are both at peace that our family is complete and the vasectomy is done. As long as you are praying and listening you can't go wrong. Sometimes we just don't like what we are hearing. You will know when the time is right, just keep trusting that inner voice.


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