Wednesday, June 8, 2011

My Thoughts on Marriage

weddingryan and me guardHilton head 2010 (95)

Warning:  this post is really for adults and Dad, if  you are reading this you may want to skip this one.
I can’t really explain it.  I don’t know the exact time it happened but one day not long ago (some months) I woke up and realized I sleep next to a pretty good looking guy every night who is sweet and seems to want to be around me a lot.  I hadn’t seen him in a few years - about six or so it would seem.  Since having children I have struggled with balance.  The balance to keep my home clean and running smoothing and  to keep my children fed and not watching TV all day and to keep my husband, well, fulfilled.  It has been an exhausting journey and I had absolutely no idea what I was getting into.

I didn’t know that the most important thing in my life after my relationship with Jesus Christ would be put on the back burner and would be an after thought.  I am talking about my marriage.  Sadly, I have wasted so many years and months in the last six years being tired and grouchy and unhealthy.  I think several factors contributed to me waking up to a better marriage.

1.  I found this post on iodine after one really bad monthly cycle where my husband threatened to move out (only for a few days).  I knew then it was time to do something. So I have been taking an iodine supplement and it has really been helping me.

2.  I started (and am still working on) taking my health more seriously.

3.  I started shaving my legs more.  Seriously, if you are a woman you know what I mean.  I am trying to take better care of myself and trying to find my former self who actually didn’t just think deodorant would suffice as perfume.

4.  I started having those butterflies in my stomach when I was around my husband.  I anticipated him coming home.  I thought a lot about him during the day.  I texted him often mostly saying “I love you” and “I can’t wait to see you”.  It is honestly like we are dating again - only we are married which makes it soooooo much better.

5.  I made a serious effort to be available for him.  He switches shifts every 28 days.  It means our house is kind of turned upside down every month.  I have to be flexible and when he is on second shift we don’t get to see each other as much if I go to bed early so I stay up for him.  He doesn’t get home till midnight and I often don’t get to bed till 1am but I do it because I want to see him and it is a  time that we can spend together alone without the kids.  And sometimes nap time is our time too.   We fit in couple time whenever we can find it.

6.  I can’t really talk too much about the other things I’m doing but they involve massage oil and candles and other things that make our time special.  Hey we are married after all.

This is seriously the most amazing time in our marriage and this year it will be our 11th anniversary.  I cannot believe the difference.  Last year we went on vacation by ourselves for our 10th anniversary but it was partly to see if we still liked each other and could still be alone with one another without the kids.  My husband was fearing the day we didn’t have children at home because he didn’t know how it would be.  I had forgotten how to be a wife and all I was doing was being a mother and a housekeeper.  I forgot the most important thing - to work on my marriage and keep it strong.  Not only for myself and my husband but for my children.  Our children see us kiss.  They see us hug and they know we love each other.  I want them to always feel secure in that.

If you are at a place in your marriage that may be difficult or if you are mom with young ones - take heart!  It does get better.  And when you are too tired to think about anything else, prayer works wonders. God gives you the strength to do the things you never thought you would be able to do.  God is the one who created marriage and at times I have questioned the logic there, but I see how important marriage is in the lives of children and for a society at large and to keep husbands and wives on track.  God definitely knew what he was doing!


  1. Great post, Gretchen! Just wanted to let you know I've missed you on FB!

    Also, could you let me know a little more about the sounds like something I need.

  2. You go Girl! Celebrate being madly and passionately in love with your husband! Right there with you---and loving EVERY minute!

  3. A great post! My dad is into all sorts of naturopathic stuff & wants me taking kelp with iodine. I'm off to read that post & see what it's good for! :)

  4. Love this post! We are at 20 1/2 years & I find it gets better year after year! You do have to work at it, especially if his work schedule keeps changing. But so worth it!!

  5. stumbled upon your blog and what a great post. balance is hard with children thrown into the mix! my husband and i try to take an overnight trip once a year close to our anniversary. several years ago we went on a cruise for our ten year ~ i think we will be okay with the children leave :-)

  6. "It's like every night is like date night!" Right? ;)

  7. @Sonya
    I miss you too Sonya! I might be back someday. I sent you an e-mail about the iodine.

  8. @See Jamie blog
    All I know is that it worked for me. Let me know what you think!

  9. @Lea
    I was always encouraged by your posts about your hubby back when I was on Facebook.

  10. @sandi
    So glad you stopped by. I think we may have to try a cruise sometime!

  11. Great post! Everything you said is so true! Marriage is something I know I often take for granted. Recently we found out our best friends of 15+ yrs are getting a divorce. The crazy, sad part about it is...on the outside they looked like they had a perfect marriage. He's a pastor and if I would've thought any couple I knew, they would have been the LAST couple I would've ever imagined considering divorce!! It has broken my heart but it has also made me take my marriage much more serious. None of us are immune from Satan's attacks on our marriages! So....I loved your encouraging words and the reminders!!!

  12. Also...where did you buy your iodine supplement?? Thanks!!

  13. @Christy
    Oh how sad Christy. I'm sorry to hear about that. It is why we must be vigilant to keep our marriage the best it can be. And I got my iodine supplement from Amazon. I tried to get a natural one.


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