Because I Love Him

Willow Grove Photograhpy

Because he has been working double shifts for two days straight.
Because he works really hard so I can stay home.
Because he cleans the table and sweeps the kitchen floor after supper.
Because he buys me fun things that I can use in my garden without  me asking.
Because he doesn't roll his eyes when I buy 25 lbs. of peaches or a grain mill.

I make his breakfast at night so he can reheat it in the morning.  I grind the coffee beans and get the coffee pot ready so he can just pour in the water and brew coffee while he is showering.  I make dinner even though he isn't here to eat it so he can take it for his lunch the next day.

Because he is my husband and I love him.

Just a Piece of Paper

Eleven years today - my husband and I have been married for 11 years!  It really does not seem that long ago to me.  I guess in some ways it seems like forever ago and in other ways it seems like yesterday.  We talk about those first years and I think how much we both have changed (for the better I think).  We were decently young when we got married (21 and 23 - me being older).  We really had NO IDEA what we were getting ourselves into.

And honestly, that first year was the most difficult.  I think you can kind of know what marriage will be like but you just have no idea how you will go about it until you are in the middle of it.  A trial by fire if you will. 

One thing that makes me crazy is when people say that marriage is "just a piece of paper".  Those are fighting words in my book and I will take you down if you say them around me.  Okay, so I won't physically take you down, but you better be ready to back that statement up.

If marriage had just been a piece of paper for us, we probably would have split up that first year.  But as a child who came from a divorced home, divorce was not an option for me.  When I said, for better or worse, for richer for poorer it is what I meant.  And it has been worse, and it has been better.  And we have been richer and we have been poorer.  If marriage was just a piece of paper, I could just walk away when I was really mad and not had to deal with someone else's problems (or my own problems).  When something didn't go my way, I could have just left.  And I would have, many times, if marriage was just a piece of paper.

You see though, I stood in front of a few hundred people in this small church that my husband's parents were married in and I made promises that I intended to keep.  And not only was I saying this in front of these people, I was making a covenant between my husband and myself and above all else, a covenant with the Lord.  Because to me, marriage is so much more than a piece of paper.  It is even more than what the law says it is.  It is more than a legal requirement to stay married to my husband.  It is a daily commitment of keeping my word and the promise I made before God.

To me marriage is sacred.  You can rip up a piece of paper.  You can burn it and spit on it and throw it in the sea.  A covenant between God is different.  It has eternal consequences.  Therefore, I make a daily decision (yes, I said daily again) to love my husband as he makes a daily decision to love me.  And believe me, there are days when neither one of us are very loveable.  Haven't you heard, love is not a feeling, it is a decision.  Those butterflies in my stomach for my husband come and go, but the love I have for him stays because I make the decision to make it stay with the help of the Lord.

It is better not to vow than to make a vow and not fulfill it.  Ecclesiastes 5:5

Today, we celebrate 11 years of loving each other, of renewing our commitment to each other by just daily staying true to the commitment that we made. 

P.S.  This is not meant to beat up on the divorced people of the world.  It is just meant to let you know how strongly I view marriage in a country that is quickly devaluing it. 

Marriage Minute - turn that nag into a but

Photo Credit

Stay with me here - today I just want to encourage you to take a minute out of your day to focus on your marriage.  As wives it is sometimes true that we tend to nag our spouse to get him to change or do something we want.  We complain that he doesn't mow the grass soon enough.  We complain that he doesn't take out the trash soon enough.  We just complain period.

How good is that for your marriage?  Let me reassure you that nagging never works (ask me how I know).  It is a marriage killer.  So today just take a minute and when that thought enters your head turn it into a but, here's how.

For instance if you say, "My husband waits till the trash is overflowing before he takes it out."  Say instead, "My husband does wait until the trash is overflowing to take out the trash, but he does it and I don't have to."

This may not be a good example for you because at my house I usually take the trash to the trash can, but you have your own example you could use.  The point is to take your negative thought and turn it into a positive one. 

The reason we should be doing this - "For as he thinks in his heart, so is he"  Prov. 23:7.  If all of the thoughts about our husband revolve around all the things he should be doing and how he should be doing them, then our attitude towards him tends to turn to one of disdain rather than love. 

Even in Bible times, God knew women would be nags:
A continual dripping on a very rainy day And a contentious woman are alike;  Prov. 27:15

Believe me, I'm not saying your spouse doesn't have his own faults, but we need to work on ourselves first.  We do not have the power to change others only ourselves.

Please pray and ask God to change your heart first.  I promise it will work wonders for your marriage.

What ways are you trying to improve your marriage?

Strengthen Your Marriage Today!

I heard a statistic recently.  It made me so sad.  "Data released Thursday by the U.S. Census Bureau shows married couples have found themselves in a new position: They're no longer the majority." - ABC News.  Of course my mind starts thinking, what can I do?  How can I stop this trend? 

There are reasons for this occurrence according to ABC News - "The reason, said Portland State University demographer Charles Rynerson, is twofold: The fast-growing older population is more likely to be divorced or widowed later in life, and 20-somethings are putting off their nuptials for longer stretches."

What does that tell you?  It tells me that Evangelical Christians are not doing enough to strengthen their marriages.  Divorce rates are just as high among Christians as they are among non-Christians.  Now, if you are divorced this is not meant to hurt you or berate you.  Marriage is extremely difficult. It takes a daily decision to put your spouse above yourself. 

For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”  Mark 10:45

There just isn't enough encouragement for married women regarding intimacy.  It is tough to find it on the internet.  Christians just don't want to talk about it.  But the world - it is all they talk about.  There are so many "women's" magazines out there showing you how to seduce your man.  We need to talk about this.  We need to wake up to the fact that this is a serious issue to our husbands.  It is pretty much number one on their list.

Of course American culture tells you that you should be on equal footing.  You shouldn't have to give up what you want for your husband.  You should be able to do it all - work outside the home or work in the home, menu plan, coupon, grocery shopping, teach the kiddos their ABC's, run them to soccer practice and then collapse into bed each night praying your husband is already asleep.

Don't pretend you haven't been there.  We all have.  I hate it that I wasted so much time doing so many other "good" things and ignoring one of the best things about marriage.

Here are some articles on the subject from women much wiser than myself:

Enjoying Intimacy

Embracing Physical Intimacy (video blog) - excellent

30 Days of Prayer for your Husband - His S*xuality

She has good practical tips:

A Clean Shower
The Love List
Drawer of Many Blessings

Since making changes in my own life, it has strengthened my marriage in ways I never thought possible.  It is amazing to see what God can do.  Please don't make your marriage an after thought. 

I read a blog (I can't remember what it was) where the woman said so many women think they need to make their men fancy dinners and keep the house immaculate to make their husband's happy when really you could make them a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and give them the gift of yourself and they would be thrilled!  It is true.

My point of today's post is there is something we can do about this whole marriage declining thing - strengthen our own marriage.  Stack the deck in marriage's favor.  And if you don't know where to start, just start somewhere.  And don't believe the lies that the enemy tries to tell you that you aren't thin enough or attractive enough.  And lest you think that this is all about your spouse and you are giving up so much and you will get nothing in return - TRUST ME, you will be amazed at what you gain by putting intimacy as a high priority in your marriage.

There is a reason that there are so many warnings about wayward women in Proverbs and how they can destroy a man.  Women do have the power to destroy men.  They also have the power to build them up.  Which one will you choose?

I really do want to encourage you to take a stand for marriage in this culture starting with your own marriage.  Do all you can do to strengthen it!  Put your marriage as one of your top priorities.  Pray, pray and pray some more.  Ask God to give you the strength to do this.  He will be faithful.

My Thoughts on Marriage

Warning:  this post is really for adults and Dad, if  you are reading this you may want to skip this one.

I can’t really explain it.  I don’t know the exact time it happened but one day not long ago (some months) I woke up and realized I sleep next to a pretty good looking guy every night who is sweet and seems to want to be around me a lot.  I hadn’t seen him in a few years - about six or so it would seem.  Since having children I have struggled with balance.  The balance to keep my home clean and running smoothing and  to keep my children fed and not watching TV all day and to keep my husband, well, fulfilled.  It has been an exhausting journey and I had absolutely no idea what I was getting into.

I didn’t know that the most important thing in my life after my relationship with Jesus Christ would be put on the back burner and would be an after thought.  I am talking about my marriage.  Sadly, I have wasted so many years and months in the last six years being tired and grouchy and unhealthy.  I think several factors contributed to me waking up to a better marriage.

1.  I found this post on iodine after one really bad monthly cycle where my husband threatened to move out (only for a few days).  I knew then it was time to do something. So I have been taking an iodine supplement and it has really been helping me.

2.  I started (and am still working on) taking my health more seriously.

3.  I started shaving my legs more.  Seriously, if you are a woman you know what I mean.  I am trying to take better care of myself and trying to find my former self who actually didn’t just think deodorant would suffice as perfume.

4.  I started having those butterflies in my stomach when I was around my husband.  I anticipated him coming home.  I thought a lot about him during the day.  I texted him often mostly saying “I love you” and “I can’t wait to see you”.  It is honestly like we are dating again - only we are married which makes it soooooo much better.

5.  I made a serious effort to be available for him.  He switches shifts every 28 days.  It means our house is kind of turned upside down every month.  I have to be flexible and when he is on second shift we don’t get to see each other as much if I go to bed early so I stay up for him.  He doesn’t get home till midnight and I often don’t get to bed till 1am but I do it because I want to see him and it is a  time that we can spend together alone without the kids.  And sometimes nap time is our time too.   We fit in couple time whenever we can find it.

6.  I can’t really talk too much about the other things I’m doing but they involve massage oil and candles and other things that make our time special.  Hey we are married after all.

This is seriously the most amazing time in our marriage and this year it will be our 11th anniversary.  I cannot believe the difference.  Last year we went on vacation by ourselves for our 10th anniversary but it was partly to see if we still liked each other and could still be alone with one another without the kids.  My husband was fearing the day we didn’t have children at home because he didn’t know how it would be.  I had forgotten how to be a wife and all I was doing was being a mother and a housekeeper.  I forgot the most important thing - to work on my marriage and keep it strong.  Not only for myself and my husband but for my children.  Our children see us kiss.  They see us hug and they know we love each other.  I want them to always feel secure in that.

If you are at a place in your marriage that may be difficult or if you are mom with young ones - take heart!  It does get better.  And when you are too tired to think about anything else, prayer works wonders. God gives you the strength to do the things you never thought you would be able to do.  God is the one who created marriage and at times I have questioned the logic there, but I see how important marriage is in the lives of children and for a society at large and to keep husbands and wives on track.  God definitely knew what he was doing!

The Lesson of the Shoe

Marriage is a fabulous thing when it is good and it is a whole other thing when it is not so good.  I have learned so many lessons in the last 10 years of marriage with the majority of them being in my first year of marriage.

For me, the first year of marriage was by far the hardest and the worst.  Which to most people might be a bad thing but to me was a very good thing because when things are bad they either have to end or they have to get better and by the grace of God my marriage got better and it gets better every year.

It was a warm Sunday afternoon and my husband and I had just had a fight about something that I do not even remember.  We had only been married a few weeks and we were preparing to go to a relative's party.  It was for a little girl.  And since we were fighting I just decided that I would just leave and go separately.  So being the brat that I was, I just jumped in the car and started to quickly back up.  My husband followed me out and he just stood there as I started the car.

But something in him seemed to just snap and before I knew it, he had taken off his shoe and threw it at my car window.  It hit the window with force and stopped me in my tracks.  He ran to the back of the car and I just looked in my review mirror and started crying.

As soon as he was out of the way I just backed up and kept going.  I didn't even wait for an explanation.  I immediately drove to my friend's house where a mutual friend was visiting and he was opening the door to leave and he casually asked me, "How's married life?"  To which I answered "Terrible, he threw a shoe at me."  Then I went inside the house and cried some more.

My single friends tried to help me and they tried to cheer me up but I was having a pity party and I was not having any of it.  I finally dried my tears and made my way to the party where I saw my husband but pretty much refused to talk to him.

When he cornered me and made me talk to him he had an explanation.  It seemed I was about to back over the dog - Duke who was deaf and also very slow moving and not only that but I was about to hit the lawn mower and since I wouldn't listen to him he had to get my attention before I caused more damage.

So there you have it - a very valuable marriage lesson - stop and look to make sure you are not going to run over your deaf dog before your husband throws his shoe at you.

Oh wait - was that really the lesson?  Oh well, you get the idea.  Don't overreact because most problems in marriage truly are fixable when at least one person is willing to listen.