When I think back to where I was this time last year - I am so thankful to be where I am now. Last year I was still struggling with the hybrid school my son went to. We were still pulling 8 hour days of difficult learning and I couldn't get anything else done which isn't great considering I still had to feed people and I had three other kids and a husband to care for.
We hadn't had the dyslexia diagnosis. I didn't know what I was dealing with and thought I was a failure. I had outside commitments that I hadn't let go of as well. I was mostly drowning and exhausted and not at all joyful.
And then I was also trying to help out a relative who seemed depressed. During this time this relative shared things with me that I was beyond shocked to find out. They weren't said in confindence they were said almost like a joke. Now I had this information that I knew if it got out would be bad for all involved and yet the guilt that built up inside me everyday ate at me.
But I did nothing because what could I do? I did nothing for months and months and months. During these months I was able to see some light at the end of the tunnel. We got the dyslexia diagnosis. I knew what I was dealing with. We dropped out of the hybrid school so we could just homeschool. I took a lot of deep breaths. We backed up in our learning a bit and went slower.
I met a friend who helped me so much. It is crazy to think that just a year ago I didn't really even know her and now I see her almost everyday.
God is great like that.
I was still dealing with other things though and that situation that I thought went away reared its ugly head one day in a way I had no idea that it would. And I was confronted with saying nothing or lying or telling the truth though it would hurt lots of people.
I wrestled with it but knew I had to tell the truth and so I did. And it was ugly, ugly, ugly. And from it I now have family members who will not speak to me. I have a family friend who will not speak to me. And the crazy thing is I just told them what happened - I had nothing to do with it.
But some people want to live in darkness and they don't want to know the truth. Because sometimes the truth is way too painful and I get that.
And while I never thought those things would happen, they did. I hope I am never confronted with a situation like that again.
And as far as this year goes, I'm just thankful for it. I'm just thankful for a new day every morning that we have to start again.
Those are my random thoughts for today.