Friday, January 24, 2014

So this past year was . . . Interesting

When I think back to where I was this time last year - I am so thankful to be where I am now.  Last year I was still struggling with the hybrid school my son went to.  We were still pulling 8 hour days of difficult learning and I couldn't get anything else done which isn't great considering I still had to feed people and I had three other kids and a husband to care for.

We hadn't had the dyslexia diagnosis.  I didn't know what I was dealing with and thought I was a failure.  I had outside commitments that I hadn't let go of as well.  I was mostly drowning and exhausted and not at all joyful.

And then I was also trying to help out a relative who seemed depressed.  During this time this relative shared things with me that I was beyond shocked to find out.  They weren't said in confindence they were said almost like a joke.  Now I had this information that I knew if it got out would be bad for all involved and yet the guilt that built up inside me everyday ate at me.

But I did nothing because what could I do?  I did nothing for months and months and months.  During these months I was able to see some light at the end of the tunnel.  We got the dyslexia diagnosis.  I knew what I was dealing with.  We dropped out of the hybrid school so we could just homeschool.  I took a lot of deep breaths.  We backed up in our learning a bit and went slower.

I met a friend who helped me so much.  It is crazy to think that just a year ago I didn't really even know her and now I see her almost everyday.

God is great like that. 

I was still dealing with other things though and that situation that I thought went away reared its ugly head one day in a way I had no idea that it would.  And I was confronted with saying nothing or lying or telling the truth though it would hurt lots of people.

I wrestled with it but knew I had to tell the truth and so I did.  And it was ugly, ugly, ugly.  And from it I now have family members who will not speak to me.  I have a family friend who will not speak to me.  And the crazy thing is I just told them what happened - I had nothing to do with it.

But some people want to live in darkness and they don't want to know the truth.   Because sometimes the truth is way too painful and I get that.

And while I never thought those things would happen, they did.  I hope I am never confronted with a situation like that again.

And as far as this year goes, I'm just thankful for it.  I'm just thankful for a new day every morning that we have to start again.

Those are my random thoughts for today.



  1. Oh Gretchen. How terrible for you. Prayer and time heals all wounds. Don't lose faith or hope. Those that are angry are fearful. You did the right thing, trust in that Last year was rough for so many and I truly feel we've paid our dues and this year is bound to be better. I am so happy to hear about your new friend. God blesses us everyday even when it doesn't seem like it. Take care my friend.

  2. I'm so sorry for whatever situation you are talking about. I hope this year goes well for you and yours!

  3. I'm so sorry you had a rough year. I will pray God redeems this situation beyond what you can ask or imagine. What a gift to have a friend like that! I'm so glad for the bright spot in your dark year.
    It's been awhile since I've stopped by (I'm a friend of Cari and Cristi's), but your blog always encourages me. Thanks for being so vulnerable and reminding me of God's faithfulness. Hugs!


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