I'm a really bad friend right now

I can't really say when it happened.  Sometime over the last year I've started becoming a really bad friend.  I all but refuse to talk on the phone.  I only ever communicate through texting or social media.  I have almost developed a phobia of talking on the phone.

And my days - they are used up already before they even start.  I am a "mostly" stay-at-home mom.  I homeschool.  I'm assuming homeschool moms are similar to work-outside-the-home moms in that we just can't hang out during the day.  We can't do lunch with friends and by the end of our day - we are too exhausted to go out.  We can barely do dinner for our own family.  And lets not even talk about how I am doing some real estate on the side.

Homeschooling has completely taken it out of me.  Don't get me wrong - I mostly love it.  I love being with my kids all day.  I love the freedom we have.  I love seeing those light bulb moments.  Yet I am with my kids all day.  I am always needed.  I am always doing something.  I am always feeding someone.  I am always teaching someone.

It is wonderful.  It is emotionally taxing.  It is mentally draining.  I just don't have the capacity for others that I once did.  I wish I could find that balance.  I am taking MUCH better care of myself.  I'm eating better than I ever have.  I am getting exercise in on a regular basis.  I am fixing my hair and putting on make up and wearing jewelry.  I am finding time for me, for my husband, for my kids but I can't seem to find the balance to do things with friends.

I mean I do things with friends but usually only if we are doing something with or for our kids at the same time.  And if I can find any time to be without the kids I desperately need a date night with my husband.  I like my friends.  I really do.  I'm just not balancing that part of my life well right now.

And I'm finding this odd peace about being alone too.  I was one that NEVER wanted to be alone.  I always needed people around me.  I would get anxiety if I knew I had to be alone for an evening.  But now I have so much more peace and I actually have started craving alone time.  And I even went out to dinner by myself!  By myself people, I NEVER do that and I can't believe I did do that.  And I enjoyed it.  Am I turning into an introvert?  I don't know.  These are new roads that I am traveling.

I feel like there will be a day that I can freely talk on the phone again or go out on a Thursday night for coffee and dessert with friends.  Today is just not that day.

During the day I just cannot have conversations with people.  It puts my day behind and my kids know I'm on the phone so they quit doing school and run around like wild banshees and then I have to work twice as hard to get them back and focused.  When you lose focus it takes a lot to get it back!  

To my friends:  I still love you.  I really do.  I still want to see you and hang out with you but I just can't do it well right now.  I still want to keep in touch but I can't always meet in person or even talk on the phone.  Someday I will be a better friend again.  Someday it will happen.





 

Well hello

I have been a super lazy blogger right?  I have lots to talk about but I just haven't been talking about it - to the computer anyway.

To catch you up - I have lost 20 lbs. eating Paleo - woot woot.  I will try to talk more about this later.

I'm homeschooling three out of my four kids - aren't I a little crazy?

And I'm also a real estate agent now!!!!!!!!!! 

I have been a tad busy and I'm trying to figure out balance but it is getting slowly better. 

I hope to keep in touch on here more often if anyone is still out there.

I will leave you with a picture of me and the kiddos.  We did it for Light it Up Red on October 15th for dyslexia awareness which you know I'm passionate about!

 

So this past year was . . . Interesting

When I think back to where I was this time last year - I am so thankful to be where I am now.  Last year I was still struggling with the hybrid school my son went to.  We were still pulling 8 hour days of difficult learning and I couldn't get anything else done which isn't great considering I still had to feed people and I had three other kids and a husband to care for.

We hadn't had the dyslexia diagnosis.  I didn't know what I was dealing with and thought I was a failure.  I had outside commitments that I hadn't let go of as well.  I was mostly drowning and exhausted and not at all joyful.

And then I was also trying to help out a relative who seemed depressed.  During this time this relative shared things with me that I was beyond shocked to find out.  They weren't said in confindence they were said almost like a joke.  Now I had this information that I knew if it got out would be bad for all involved and yet the guilt that built up inside me everyday ate at me.

But I did nothing because what could I do?  I did nothing for months and months and months.  During these months I was able to see some light at the end of the tunnel.  We got the dyslexia diagnosis.  I knew what I was dealing with.  We dropped out of the hybrid school so we could just homeschool.  I took a lot of deep breaths.  We backed up in our learning a bit and went slower.

I met a friend who helped me so much.  It is crazy to think that just a year ago I didn't really even know her and now I see her almost everyday.

God is great like that. 

I was still dealing with other things though and that situation that I thought went away reared its ugly head one day in a way I had no idea that it would.  And I was confronted with saying nothing or lying or telling the truth though it would hurt lots of people.

I wrestled with it but knew I had to tell the truth and so I did.  And it was ugly, ugly, ugly.  And from it I now have family members who will not speak to me.  I have a family friend who will not speak to me.  And the crazy thing is I just told them what happened - I had nothing to do with it.

But some people want to live in darkness and they don't want to know the truth.   Because sometimes the truth is way too painful and I get that.

And while I never thought those things would happen, they did.  I hope I am never confronted with a situation like that again.

And as far as this year goes, I'm just thankful for it.  I'm just thankful for a new day every morning that we have to start again.

Those are my random thoughts for today.


 

Here is what happened at the park last night

I have this thing about kids.  I care a lot about them - about everyone of them.  I love them dearly and I pray for them every single night and many times throughout the day.  I pray for the kids I know and the kids I don't know and the orphans all over the world and the kids in sex trafficking in many countries and the kids who don't have parents that love them - that are abused or neglected.

I pray and I pray and I know that is the best thing I can do but sometimes I have to go further.  You see when I literally see something in front of me I can't get it out of my mind.  If I hear a story of abuse and neglect it literally haunts me.  It is why I want to foster to adopt or just adopt.

Now you know the background, here is what happened last night.

We went to the park for my dad's birthday.  We were going to have desserts and play and take a walk.  But when we got there another family was at picnic table a little ways away from us.

It started with the woman screaming at a man.  Then the man screamed back at her things like, "Go cry you big baby.  Let me see the tears.  Just go away and cry."  This was a grown woman mind you.  He just kept yelling at her.  She was concerned her baby had been in his car seat much of the day because she had been at work.

She walked away to watch her other kids play.  She had a 3 and 5 year old.  I decided to engage her in conversation and I just started by saying, "Are you okay?"  She then told me she had a long day at work and her dad made them all come to the park.  I asked her if her dad lived with her.  She said he did not but he butted into her marriage all the time. 


Anyway my husband played frisbee with her son and we talked with her for a little while just being nice. I have this tactic when things like this go on - because I just fear they are going to start beating their children in front of us.  So I just stare them down.  I know its not a good tactic but I can't help it.  I need to know they are going to be okay even though I know I can't know that.

So I did that.  I stared at him while he was yelling.  Once the little girl fell off the bench of the table and hit her head and she started crying and they all just sat their and kept eating and I got up to walk over there and my husband stopped me.

Meanwhile the "grandpa" of these kids just kept yelling at them and telling them they couldn't play anymore and he just kept yelling and yelling and yelling.

Well, before they left the kids ran to play some more.  I thought they had permission but apparently not because he (the grandpa mind you not the parents) came over and spanked them right in front of us.  He spanked the boy several times and I saw the little girl up there and knew she was next, so of course I walked over there because yes I was going to stop him, but by the time I got over there he only spanked her once.  So I walked back and inside I was furious and I knew I was going to say something.

I waited and debated but I couldn't stop myself.  As they were getting in the car I walked up to them.  I told him that he was being really mean and that he shouldn't yell so much at the kids.  He said, "You want me to get my belt out and use that on them?"  He then said they wouldn't listen to him.

I told him NO!  I knew they they need discipline but they don't need screamed at.

He told me it was none of my business.  I then pointed to my table and said, "The whole park can hear you.  Our table is right there and you made it my business."

There was some other things said and he did call me Lady at least.  I ended with telling he that he did not need to be so harsh.

As they were pulling away the daughter was waving at me.   I think she wanted to hug me.  I definitely wanted to hug her.

And now I just pray for them.  My brother was there and he told me he thought that was awesome.  My husband (who is very used to me confronting people) told me I needed to think about not doing that again because if they would have tried to hit me then he would have had to come over there and hit them and then he would probably have to go to jail.

So yep, I need to think about that.  This is honestly why I try to avoid situations like this - meaning going out into public because I know its everywhere and I can't stop myself from saying something.  I try to be nice but I know at some point I will probably get shot and then my kids would be motherless.

I'm praying about what I should do but I can't just walk away.  I just can't do that.

Which is why I confronted some stranger at the park last night.




 

I Go in Phases AND a winner

I go in phases here at the old blog.   If I'm cooking a lot then I'm not doing as much other things.  If I'm kicking up the homeschool a notch then I'm not really cooking.  If you read a blog where the blogger is cooking a lot and cleaning a lot and homeschooling a lot - she really isn't sleeping because no matter what you see or what people say to you - you can't do all things well at the same time.

Something has to give and since right now I'm trying to widdle away some "meat" on my bones, I'm not really cooking very much - frozen meals people, frozen meals with tiny portions.  I find that I just can't cook a little and not eat a lot, not yet anyway.

Therefore, the recipes will be slim (as I hope to be someday, ha ha ha ha).  Right now my creativity is going to the kiddos.  Its kind of fun.  Balance is your friend.

I have some things coming up - organizing ideas - some school things and such.

For now here is the winner of my Veggie Tales Give-a-way!

deanna

Thank you to all who have entered!!!!



 

Sloppy Joes, Slop, Sloppy Joes

In honor of today - the day we are having sloppy joes:

Testing an app

I am testing out this app that lets you blog from your phone since it seems that is what I am on most of the time these days.
Here goes.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.8

Has it almost been a month?

What? I just now saw that I haven't blogged in almost a month.  Well, we had our fourth child - a girl, cute and healthy.  I still don't have a laptop so I can't really upload pictures to this computer (my son's school computer that doesn't belong to us).  We are still in the process of moving our stuff out of our "old" house into our "new to us" rental.  Bleck.  We close in two days so we are mad dashing to get everything out and the house cleaned up.

I am running on a tad less sleep than I was.  I am grouchy and mostly to my poor husband who himself is tired.  But he has been wonderful and helpful.  I have always been grouchy when I lack sleep.  When I was 4 and wouldn't take naps my Grandma Carolyn used to call me Grouchin Gretchen and I hated it, but it was true and I guess it still is, but don't you dare call me that.  

I am trying to not be grouchy but it isn't working out so well.  I will keep working on it though.  Just thought I would touch base.  My place is a disaster and I can't fit into any of my clothes, but we are all healthy and that really is something amazing to be thankful for.

Hasta mañana - I'm going to see if I can find some chocolate in this house.

 

Epidural, Epidural, Natural

I have been wanting to show you these pictures for a while.  When I had my first two babies I had an epidural with both of them.  And three years ago today I had my third little one - my sweet boy and I decided I wanted to try to do it natural because I just wanted to see if I could do it.

I want to show you in pictures how it all went:

Baby 1 - long labor (22 hours) but I had an epidural and I hot rolled my hair and put on make up after:

Baby 2 - also an epidural, shorter labor at 12 hours and I was still able to put on make up and fix my hair after:

 Baby 3 - natural - I look like I had been robbed and beat up and I was unable to do much of anything afterwards - but the labor was only 7 hours:

The moral of this story - I'm getting an epidural.  Don't judge me.  I like not feeling my legs and various other body parts that may actually be on fire for hours at a time.

I should add that the moral of this story is not that I wanted to look nice after birth just that I felt really good after the epidural births and I felt like I had honestly been run over by a truck after the natural birth.  I had virtually no problems and felt great after those two births and I had horrible headaches and was kind of a mess after the natural birth so that is honestly why I am going back to the epidural.  BUT everyone is different.  People recover differently.  I have had friends that say the opposite.

To each his own.  I just thought the pictures were a funny representation of how I felt after giving birth.



 

Judgmental or discerning

I had a conversation today with someone that I dearly love.  Towards the end of the conversation I was accused of being judgmental.  Honestly my first thought was, yes, I am absolutely judgmental.  Truth is, is being judgmental really a bad thing?

If the definition of judgmental is the processing of using judgment and the definition of judgment is the process of forming an opinion or evaluation by discerning and comparing (according to Webster).  Then this is how I view being judgmental - being choosy and being discerning.   

I think Christians who live a life pleasing to God are absolutely judgmental, but maybe the better word to use is discerning - using good judgment. 

Obviously, Jesus hung out with some bad people - the lowest of the low, the worst of the sinners.  But the key point here is he didn't join them in their sin.  He was "judgmental" if you will.  He called out their sin like the woman at the well.  He called out the Pharisees time and time again.

I realize the choices I make about my family are unpopular and many people look at us like we crazy weirdos but as much as I love those people I am not accountable to them for my actions, I am accountable to God for my actions.

And I absolutely need to be more understanding and I need to figure out how to speak the truth in love.  When people accuse me of being judgmental I'm just not that offended.  Hold me to a higher standard, make me be better than I am.  

In Matthew 10:34-35 Jesus himself says he came to divide people not to bring peace. 

"If we are going to follow Jesus and have Him truly be our Lord then there will be times when people who do not follow Him will not understand us. There will be times when they will angry with us, hurt by us, argue with us. We must realize that when we follow Jesus we become citizens of His Kingdom. We become exiles in our own communities. We just don’t exactly fit anymore. That misfit will divide us from others. But it need not make us people who lash out against those who are different from us. Paul tells us in Romans 12:18 “If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men”. By it’s very nature our following of Jesus puts us at odds. But in spite of that reality, we are to do all that we possibly can to bridge the gap and be reconciled in Christ.

Yes, by the very nature of who Jesus is, people will be at odds with one another. But also by the very nature of His death on the Cross, his Resurrection, and Ascension, Jesus reconciles people to one another and to Himself. That reconciliation brings us closer to one another than we ever could be without Him. Out role in that is to live out the Gospel with as much passion and devotion as possible. " (Provocative Christian)

 Those are just my thoughts for today.  Do with them what you will.  Just don't be judgmental, just kidding.

 

Well

I have been going back and forth and back and forth and I think it is just finally time I pull the plug on this operation.  I'm not sure what direction I want to go with it and I feel like it is just sitting out here waiting for me to do something with it and it is more of a burden than a pleasure at this point.

So I will keep it up for several more days so you can print anything you might want off of it and then it will be done.  I'm just not sure what exactly I am doing it for anymore.

I am thankful for those of you have read it and have followed me but I am lacking in inspiration as of late and I just feel like it is one more thing I have to do.  Could be pregnancy hormones or something else  - who knows but it is how I feel.

Thank you,

When did we stop cooking dinner?

I often post pictures of my meals on my Facebook page.  And I think about the women who, two generations ago, would just laugh at that and think why is that dumb girl posting her dinner on the internet.  I mean when did actually cooking a meal and eating it at home more than three nights a week become something amazing?

There are hundreds of blogs out there that give out recipes and tell you how to meal plan because honestly, we don't know how to meal plan and most of us probably only knew how to cook about 2-3 meals when we first "set up housekeeping".   When did cooking dinner go from being what you just knew how to do to something that needed to be taught?

I was trying to figure this out in my own life because my Grandma made it look pretty easy.  She could put a big spread on the table and it seemed like it just happened.  My great-grandma could cook for about a hundred people (with my aunts and cousins helping) and it looked like it was the easiest thing in the world.

My Grandma cooked breakfast and dinner everyday for a lot of years.  My grandpa thought it was horrible how I ate "cold" cereal for breakfast.  He would never do that.  He had to have bacon and eggs or gravy and biscuits.  My mom worked outside the home full time for most of my life and she did not cook.  I've heard rumors (from her) that she cooked when I was like 2 but ya know, I don't remember it.

My stepmom cooked for us because she did mostly stay home but she also had some at home jobs like babysitting and such.  We were only at her and my dad's house half the time and so we were at my mom's house the other half.

Somewhere between the Great Depression generation and the Baby Boom generation we lost the simple art of cooking and eating at home and I see a huge move to get back to that but it seems like a lot of us just don't know where to start.

I will tell you though that after having cooked many a meal at home I now have a greater appreciation for those women who just "made dinner happen" night after night, month after month and year after year.  I now see how difficult it really is.  Yet I also see how important it is.

What do you think?  When did we stop cooking dinner?

 

You can learn a lot from You Tube

I have been watching You Tube like crazy lately. We can now get it on our TV through our DVD player (I think, I'm really not sure how we get it).  I have been watching it while I walk on the treadmill.  Here are a few of the videos I have found helpful:

Making Seed-Starting Pots from newspaper (her words are off from her mouth but it still is an informative video):

Square Foot Gardning 101:

Simple Solar Homesteading (I don't know why but I think this guy is really interesting):

Soap Making Instructions:  Tea Tree Oil Soap:

Okay so I am fascinated by all this stuff.  I can't help myself.  Have you watched any helpful You Tube videos or instructional videos lately?

MaryJanes Farm

I don't subscribe to many magazines.  Okay, I only actually subscribe to one.  It is MaryJanes Farm.  This is a magazine that you want to keep and read over and over again.  It has so many practical articles and great ideas.   And no, I don't make any money from this I just happen to really like her magazine.

If you have never heard of MaryJanes Butters you should check her out here:

Getting rid of Security Essentials 2011 virus

I had this very, very annoying virus on my computer.  I am so tired of Microsoft.  I am dangerously close to getting a Mac, if only I knew something about them.

Anyway, I thought you might find this helpful if you ever deal with this virus because your anti-spyware won't get rid of it no matter what anti-virus you have.

Please check out this post by Soulfisticated: 

Get rid of Security Essentials 2011 virus easily on Vista for Free

This virus is bad.  It won't let you open any programs and it will actually shut off your computer while you are trying to deal with it which is why I was so glad to find this post because I haven't been able to blog or do anything for several days now!

Grocery Budgets and Giving

 Some of you might know that I am slightly obsessed with menu planning.  I love it.  I love to do it.  I love to talk about it.  I love to think about it.  I don't know why.  I guess I'm weird right?  Well, I think it was this love of menu planning that caused my friend Rachel to call text me and ask me if we could get together and I could help her with her grocery budget.  And my response was of course I could!

I came over to her house and I should tell you that Rachel is one of the sweetest people I know.   She truly has a heart of gold.  She is very hospitable.  She makes people feel very welcome.  She is kind and considerate and I could go on and on.

As we were talking about her budget she was telling me she just really felt like she needed to get organized.  She was telling me that she really wanted to get her grocery budget under control.  She wanted to save money on groceries and make sure she was spending her money wisely.  Lots of people want to do this right?  It isn't unusual.  I mean there are blogs and blogs and blogs and websites and websites about how to save money on your groceries.  There are even TV shows about couponing.

Usually people want to save money on their groceries for a purpose.  They either need to pay off debt or save for a house or maybe they have lost their job and need to cut corners.  But you know why Rachel wanted to save money on her grocery budget?  Here is what she said to me, "I really want to save money on my grocery budget so we can give more money away."

What?  I was blown away.  I didn't let her know it but I was so shocked to hear her say that.  I shouldn't have been.  She is a true follower of Christ.  I always know that she will have a word of encouragement when I talk to her.  I never hear anything negative from her.  One thing she says that I think of often is that "God is not surprised."  If I call her freaking out about something she reminds me - God is not surprised by that.

That girl is one amazing woman.  She has made me think differently about what am I doing and why am I doing it.   Do I want to save money on my groceries - of course I do but now I am going to think about why I want to do that and what I am going to do with my savings.

Thank you Rachel for being a good friend and for making me want to be a better Christian.

The Beans and Cornbread Controversy

Beans and cornbread have been a staple in our house for years.  Growing up it was one of my favorite meals that my grandma cooked.  She usually served it with fried potatoes which made it even better.  For those that don't know the beans are usually brown beans (pinto beans) cooked with a ham bone or if you don't have a ham bone I use bacon grease.  You can do them from dried beans - soak and then cook them until tender with the ham bone and salt or bacon grease and salt.  My grandma always used Randall beans from a jar.

It was not until my husband and my dad were talking shortly after we were married that I realized not everyone ate beans and cornbread the way we do. My husband was with me at my grandma's and my dad asked him if he wanted some beans and cornbread.  To which my husband answered the now infamous answer, "I've had beans.  And I've had cornbread, but I've never had beans AND cornbread."

You see my husband would have beans and maybe cornbread on the side, but we do things quite differently.  We start out with a bowl and then we take a piece of cornbread and break it up in the bowl and then we pour our beans on top of our cornbread.  My husband thought this was odd and now whenever beans and cornbread are brought up, my dad says this to my husband, "I've had beans.  And I've had cornbread, but I've never had beans AND cornbread." and it drives him crazy.  But we all think its funny.

I wasn't sure how far reaching this way of eating beans and cornbread reached.  I assumed it was a southern tradition since my grandparents are from Tennessee and that is where we learned to eat it.  But I was talking to my husband's aunt over the weekend and she told us her son-in-law did the strangest thing.  She explained they were having beans and cornbread and then she went on to tell us that he broke up his cornbread and put that in his bowl and then poured the beans on top of that.  Well, of course my husband and I looked at each other and I started cracking up.

Then I had to find out if this was a regional thing and I have come to the conclusion that people east and south of the Missouri River do eat their cornbread in their beans and people west of it don't.  Of course I only polled 10 people.

Now I must know - how do you eat your beans and cornbread?

Of course I should note that this won't work with sweet cornbread.  We make our cornbread like my grandma, not sweet and in a cast iron skillet.

For the Hard Things

My friend Cari has been through hard times.  She definitely has a story (or two).  Yes, it is a sad story.  But it is also a story of encouragement.

If you have ever experienced a loss... you need to read her Grief Story.

Not only has she shared her heart on her blog, but she has just recently put together a book.  It is a book that you can buy and pass on to others who have also experienced a loss or who might be just going through a very hard time.

I just bought two and I know of others who could use this as well.  If you would like to preview the book click here.  If you would like to buy a copy or two, click here.

Its the little things

Its the little things in life that mean so much. 

Like when the clock strikes 8:00pm and you know that soon your little ones will be tucked in their beds and you know what that means - YOU SURVIVED THE DAY!

And like when you have to be somewhere and you are trying to get everyone in the van and someone forgot their shoe or needed a drink or pooped in their diaper and then finally everyone is strapped in the van, and just for a moment you take a second and shout for joy and do some kind of funky dance to celebrate that fact that you all actually made it into the van.  And now you can leave.

I mean running a marathon, getting your PhD, going to law school, sure those are difficult things to do and you feel great when you accomplish them, but not as great as those beautiful mom moments when all of the children are in their beds asleep or strapped in their car seats and can't destroy anything.

Sorry, I might have been trying to channel Erma Bombeck just then.

Don't be Depressed

I was talking to my BFF Heather and she said she gets depressed when she reads my blog.  Another friend said the same thing.  I think I'm starting to get a complex.  I definitely do not want people to be depressed when they read my blog.  I honestly want people to be encouraged.

When I started staying home full time I had absolutely no idea what I was doing.  I didn't know exactly what I should be doing or how to schedule my day.  Then it hit me, if I was working a job from 8 to 5 I would be trained for it.  I would at least shadow someone in my position or attend a seminar.  And then of course, once I was trained I would also have some sort of continuing education to make sure I was doing my job correctly and efficiently.  When you stay at home there isn't a lot of training.  There aren't "classes" you can take. 


Well, I just started reading books like crazy.  I started reading blogs and different internet sites.  I tried a hundred different things and have only recently (after 3 years of staying home) found what really works for my family.  I am still learning everyday.  The real icing on the cake though is that I enjoy what I do.


I only write this blog so that homemakers everywhere (and yes, even if you work outside the home you are still a homemaker), can learn some of the things that I have learned.   I don't do everything.  I do like to try different things and sometimes they turn out great and sometimes they turn out awful.  You pretty much only see the great, or at least the half-way decent. 

I think we all enjoy different things.  I cannot decorate a room to save my life.  I am technically challenged to say the least.  I only own about 4 or 5 purses.  I think I have maybe about 10 pairs of shoes.  I have no idea how to accessorize an outfit.

What else can I say?  I find baking bread fascinating.  I love to freeze hundreds of ears of corn.  Canning and gardening are exciting to me.  I am weird like that, and I might tend to overdo it a bit.  Of course that is why God gave me the husband I did.  He reigns me in, most of the time.